Last night followed on a sad note bringing in a dark morning. Some past old struggles again came back on the upfront. Though it didn't much effect our relation as of now, but sooner or later it will start effecting. Or it might be effecting now too but on a very low surface not even visible to us. The sexual relation within us was i trouble from the very beginning. Just after our wedding ay everything was topsy turby when my husband found out his sudden inability to perform a sexual act. Earlier he had never faced such issues which effected him in the worse possible way. What added fuel to the already burning fire was my delimna and confusion about the whole thing. Situation just worsened as my husband started suffering from a complex within and worried about our falling relation. I too worsened by showing my frustration and irritation. Others too came up with their suggestions and it broke us. We consulted doctors, psychiatrists who assured us of a extreme cure.Medicines too had left us helpless in the beginning.
Finally one night a severe fight within us and some grievances from either families took us apart and and we talked. We decided to give ourself a try and it worked somehow. Though not too quickly but gradually we did overcome the distance between us. We have traversed the crooked path together, everytime stumbling and falling and again helping ourselves back. Just when everything was breaking apart we found our competence in each other. We decided to live happily with each other breaking the stereotype of lust. Though hindrances kept evoking, we evolved in our love nest. We started getting closer, understanding and learning to love each other. It started happening at a fast pace. Breaking, evolving, went on. We were happy. My husband's condition improved. But suddenly a chaos in the house and my body gave in. Now i was feeling so stressed that my body stopped reacting to touches. I was scared my husband might again feel depressed. My husband did stand with me but my mind and heart was bruised enough to stop reacting to the care. Depression was seeping in when one fine day, some harsh words from my MIL and i faced a panic attack.
My husband felt stressed and took me to a psychologist. He gave an anti-depressant which made me fall asleep for two days which scared his mind out. We went on a small outing and somehow i relaxed. We were happy and we advanced physically too. We had a slight intercourse though it didn't bring much pleasure. We were happy and started dreaming of the pleasure that it might bring. Last night we tried again. But the little troubles we faced then is now troubling us. My husband keeps replaying the pain and effort and that kept scaring him.I was lacking arousal just as him. We couldn't do anything last night. Nothing could arouse the feelings needed for both of us.
Today morning too started in that similar stressed mood. Talking about the remedies, the troubles, the thoughts, brought in negativity. I was scared thinking if the repeated attempts and failures would frustrate us to this level that we would stop trying, which might again bring back the distance between us. My husband understands which is the only relief, but the question is how long. Hope the good grace helps us to keep patience until everything turns well.
Finally one night a severe fight within us and some grievances from either families took us apart and and we talked. We decided to give ourself a try and it worked somehow. Though not too quickly but gradually we did overcome the distance between us. We have traversed the crooked path together, everytime stumbling and falling and again helping ourselves back. Just when everything was breaking apart we found our competence in each other. We decided to live happily with each other breaking the stereotype of lust. Though hindrances kept evoking, we evolved in our love nest. We started getting closer, understanding and learning to love each other. It started happening at a fast pace. Breaking, evolving, went on. We were happy. My husband's condition improved. But suddenly a chaos in the house and my body gave in. Now i was feeling so stressed that my body stopped reacting to touches. I was scared my husband might again feel depressed. My husband did stand with me but my mind and heart was bruised enough to stop reacting to the care. Depression was seeping in when one fine day, some harsh words from my MIL and i faced a panic attack.
My husband felt stressed and took me to a psychologist. He gave an anti-depressant which made me fall asleep for two days which scared his mind out. We went on a small outing and somehow i relaxed. We were happy and we advanced physically too. We had a slight intercourse though it didn't bring much pleasure. We were happy and started dreaming of the pleasure that it might bring. Last night we tried again. But the little troubles we faced then is now troubling us. My husband keeps replaying the pain and effort and that kept scaring him.I was lacking arousal just as him. We couldn't do anything last night. Nothing could arouse the feelings needed for both of us.
Today morning too started in that similar stressed mood. Talking about the remedies, the troubles, the thoughts, brought in negativity. I was scared thinking if the repeated attempts and failures would frustrate us to this level that we would stop trying, which might again bring back the distance between us. My husband understands which is the only relief, but the question is how long. Hope the good grace helps us to keep patience until everything turns well.
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